"No" Is Not the Answer: How to Raise Empowered Kids Without Constant Rejection
DID YOU KNOW? 🌱
The average child hears the word "no" up to 400 times a day. Think about the impact that has on a developing mind. Is it any wonder so many of us grow up feeling like we’re somehow "not enough"?
Growing Up with “No”
How many times have you been told “no” in your life? No, you can’t do that. No, you shouldn’t wear that. No, that’s not how you’re supposed to be. Growing up, I, too, heard so many “no’s” that I started to wonder why—why not more “yes”?
Though my family was supportive, the world outside was full of limiting voices telling me how I should look, act, and think. Years of “no’s” taught me to question my own instincts and left me disconnected from my true self.
The thing is, our brains are wired to see "no" as a rejection of who we are and what we want. For a child, constantly hearing "no" can create feelings of shame, self-doubt, and a sense that their natural self is somehow "wrong." It goes beyond denying them a cookie before dinner; it’s about sending a message that says, “You don’t know what’s best for you.”
When we tell children “no,” we’re not only setting boundaries, we’re shaping how they see themselves in the world. A child who hears “no” constantly begins to internalize messages like “I’m wrong,” “I’m not good enough,” or “I’m too much.” Those small hearts can start questioning their worth, dimming their natural curiosity and joy.
Shifting from “No” to “Yes”
Why don’t we say “yes” more? Why don’t we encourage our little ones—and ourselves—to be exactly who they are, unapologetically? Because at the heart of it, we all carry an inner child who craves to be seen, understood, and accepted.
Setting boundaries with children doesn’t have to mean squashing their spirit. Here are ways to reframe “no” into a supportive redirection:
Positive Redirection: Instead of “No, don’t touch that,” try, “Let’s explore this instead—it’s much safer.” This honors their need to explore while guiding them toward safe choices.
Limits with Options: Swap “No, put that down,” for “That’s fragile. Would you like to look at it together, or play with this instead?” Offering choices nurtures their independence within safe boundaries.
Reframe in the Positive: Instead of “No, we can’t go to the park now,” try “Yes, we can go to the park right after lunch—what should we bring?” It transforms a disappointment into something to look forward to.
Learning Opportunity: Rather than “No, don’t touch the plant,” say, “Plants are delicate. Let’s explore them by feeling the leaves together.” It becomes a mini-lesson that respects their curiosity.
Make Safety Playful: Instead of “No, don’t run in the street!” try “Let’s stick to the sidewalk—it’s like a river full of alligators!” This keeps it fun while reinforcing safety.
Use Playful Language: Replace “No more screen time” with “The screen needs a rest. Want to build something or read together?” This frames it as routine rather than restriction.
Validate Emotions: Swap “No, stop crying” for “I see you’re sad—it’s okay to feel this way. Do you want a hug?” This helps children feel understood and safe in their emotions.
The Power of “Yes” for Self-Esteem
When we communicate with “yes” in mind, we nurture children’s growth, curiosity, and emotional health. Saying “yes” doesn’t mean no limits—it means offering boundaries with respect and helping them feel seen and valued rather than dismissed.
These little “yes” moments are helping me reconnect with the child inside who loves to be a little quirky, dance in the living room, and live in a world full of possibility.
Breaking the Cycle of “No”
Let’s embrace a life full of “yes.” Yes to being our authentic selves. Yes to honoring our passions. Yes to celebrating life with curiosity and wonder. Let’s keep that childlike joy alive—say yes to ourselves, yes to our children, and yes to a life filled with compassion and wonder.
With all my love and support,
Dru Erin Houchen
